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Tag Archives: tears

When I look back…

28 Friday Dec 2018

Posted by Gaynor Kast in Uncategorized

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2019, authentic, choices, decisions, Destiny, Expectation, Faithful, family, Friends, Glory, God, grace, gratitude, heart, Honour, journey, joy, love, new year, Path, peace, purpose, Sorrow, tears

… I sigh a breath of relief because it’s only through God’s grace that I remain standing; and able to share this post.

If ever there was a year that showed me flames, it was 2018. I shall spare you the detail but if you remember anything from this post, know that whatever and whoever is sent to put a spoke in the wheels of your destiny, it will not succeed. I say this confidently because boy, oh, boy… did they come fast and furiously. And each attempt was thwarted and came to naught, thanks to the Hand of God over my life.

I cried a lot this year.
It was a combination of tears of joy and tears of sorrow; some I personally experienced and others I witnessed.

There were tears for the disappointment in the way some prospective projects folded.
There were tears for the disappointment in the way some people (including family) behaved.
There were tears for the disappointment in the way some people chose to defeat the ends of justice to save face instead of taking responsibility for their untoward choices/decisions.
There were tears for the disappointment in the way some associations dissolved before they even took off.
There were tears for the disappointment in the way some people used people as pawns in their game of life.
There were tears for the disappointment in the way some people choose to continue along the path of a dysfunctional façade knowing full well that these actions have a domino effect.

Some of the hardest tears were for the ties that I chose to sever in the name of self-preservation and peace of mind. Like my mentor pointed out, ‘Jesus did not resurrect Judas and neither should you’. And also, forgiveness does not equate to re-association.

So in all the tears, pain and disappointment, I’m most grateful for the fact that it brought me to my knees and made me draw closer to God. There was many a night I was face flat on the floor either crying out in prayer or having these heated debates with God trying to figure out the why. Until, one morning, He whispered “be still and trust Me”.

And when that penny dropped, the journey became more enjoyable and the revelations came about sooner and more clearly.

With the start of the New Year just days away, I continue to look ahead with great expectation, an open heart and confident that He that started a good work will make sure it manifests as and when it should.

As you embrace 2019:

May you honour yourself (and your space) and enforce the relevant boundaries.
Let your no be no and your yes, be yes.
May you walk in purpose and never compromise the work you are called to do, all for His glory.
May you never settle for anything less than you deserve.

More importantly, may your heart be filled with perfect peace, undiluted joy and gratitude for all things (big and small).

Love. Love. And more love to you and yours for 2019 and beyond…

Here’s the thing…

26 Thursday Nov 2015

Posted by Gaynor Kast in Uncategorized

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Blessing, Closed door, Created, Destiny, Detour, Distance, fabulous, favoured, grace, gratitude, heart, Heartache, journey, Moulded, perspective, purpose, Silence, tears, thank you, thankful, The Potter, time, Walk

Today, I sit and write with the biggest smile on my face… and a heart bursting with gratitude.
Let me share why:

* I’m super thankful for the grace and love of our Father. It sustains me even on those days when I feel like I’m running on empty.

* I’m super thankful for severed ties. I’m all for building bridges but when God says move on, and move on without them, then who am I to whimper?!

* I’m super thankful for the distance and silence from certain quarters because sometimes we are too close to a situation or person to realise that there’s no real value or meaning in that association.

* I’m super thankful for all the misguided attempts and bets about my destiny that all came to naught. When you wage a bet against a daughter of the most High then you best be prepared to lose. Boom!

yourpart

* I’m super thankful for every “no” or closed door I received because it made me realise that that was just a blessing in disguise.

* I’m super thankful for the detour my journey has taken and how this new avenue has opened my eyes and heart in ways I could never have imagined.

* I’m super thankful for every tear shed and every moment my heart ached because those times and His grace have allowed me to keep walking boldly.

When I look back at the year that was, there are some experiences that make me want to run for cover. But, the one thing that I’ve learnt is that when you are walking in purpose, nothing and no-one can break what the Potter has designed and moulded.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Stay fabulous & favoured xxx

It was worth it!

13 Sunday Sep 2015

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Content, Delay, Divine plan, Excited, fabulous, favoured, Frustration, gratitude, Happy, heart, Next step, Patience, perspective, pray, purpose, Ready, tears, thankful, time, Worth it

I’m so excited.

I’m so ready.

I’m so filled with gratitude.

This next step is everything (and more) that I’ve been praying about and preparing for.

With hindsight, all the tears, frustration and delays, make this next step worth it.

Patience + Preparation + Purpose = a very content, thankful, delighted little me.

Don’t for one minute give up. This breakthrough has made me realise that His time and plan is indeed perfect; there’s really no other way.

I shall share more over the coming weeks…

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Stay fabulous & favoured xxx

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Over the years…

04 Friday Sep 2015

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Actions, Age, choices, consequences, fabulous, favoured, God, grace, journey, lessons, Listen, love, pain, peace, perspective, pray, purpose, Responsibility, Smiles, Speak, tears, time, trust, Winds of change, Years, You

Last night I came across a trending topic (#ImOldEnoughToKnow) on Twitter that got me to sit back and think. Here are a few of things I’ve come to realise:

I’m old enough to know… the Author and Finisher and that He has the final say in all matters.

I’m old enough to know… that the winds of change are essential to our journey.

I’m old enough to know… when to keep quiet and simply listen.

I’m old enough to know… who is in my front row.

I’m old enough to know… why they were chosen to be part of my story.

I’m old enough to know… that what others think or say about me is really none of my business.

I’m old enough to know… that the choices I make have consequences.

I’m old enough to know… that I alone take responsibility for my actions.

I’m old enough to know… that it’s okay that I don’t always have all the answers.

I’m old enough to know… that I need to trust the process even when it doesn’t make sense.

I’m old enough to know… that it’s okay to be in a funk but the important thing is to snap out of it.

I’m old enough to know… that not everyone who smiles is in your corner.

I’m old enough to know… that you will meet Judas along your path; pray and let God take control.

I’m old enough to know… that when people choose to act disrespectfully, it’s not about you.

I’m old enough to know… that your purpose means you won’t win any popularity contest. That’s fine.

I’m old enough to know… that there’s a time to blend and a time to sit still and stay in your lane.

I’m old enough to know… that the hurt, pain and tears will eventually give way to smiles and peace.

I’m old enough to know… love is everything.

I’m old enough to know… that staying true to YOU is what is important.

I’m old enough to know… that God alone will vindicate you. Always. His grace is sufficient.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Stay fabulous and favoured x

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To wait or not to wait…

26 Tuesday May 2015

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child, encourage, Exhaled, fabulous, favoured, God is in control, Husband, patient, Pause, Perfect Plan, Person, reason, tears, Timing, Understand, Waiting on God, Wife, wonderful

For the longest time I believed that I was a fairly patient person. But, I think I was deluding myself. And the reason I say this is because when I think about “waiting” in scriptural terms I’ve been anything but patient.

I’ve thrown so many temper tantrums in the hope that God moves just a tad faster.

But. Nothing. Doing.
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I mean really, where did I get off thinking that a few shouts and loud sobs would get the Master to move according to my time-table. I guess – in one way or another – we are all so accustomed to everything happening instantly that very few of us have learnt the art of waiting on the Lord.

Just do a random check amongst your family and friends to rate whether or not waiting on the Lord is easy or difficult. I’m almost certain that you’d come back with the majority saying that it’s probably one of the most difficult aspects of walking the Christian path.

One of my favourite verses is Isaiah 40:31… I mean I can rattle that off faster than the speed of light. It was not until the other day that I stopped.

Smiled.

Exhaled.

Shed a few tears.

Paused… then looked at those words with a greater insight.

I don’t have to tell you about the benefits of waiting on the Lord. You know that all too well.

What I would like to leave you with is this:
God’s timing in our lives is perfect. Yes, you’ve heard that a hundred times before. But it’s true; even when we want to give Him a little nudge to work faster.

What I know for sure (many years later) is that He is ultimately in complete control and will work as and when He has planned.
More importantly though waiting on God is one of the best ways to increase your faith.

So, wonderful person who chose to stop by and take a squizz at this post, I’d like to encourage you.

If you are waiting for a job, husband/wife, a baby or simply waiting in a traffic jam… there’s a reason and perfect time for everything.

You may not understand it and you may not like the discomfort waiting brings with it, but, what you will like and appreciate is God’s perfect plan for your life.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Stay fabulous and favoured xxx

 

 

Who is in your front row?

21 Saturday Feb 2015

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appreciate, bond, crisp clean page, discuss, evolve, family, Friends, front row, God's grace, good times, keep smiling, laughter, likes, pet peeves, reasons, reflect, seasons, support, tears, that's what friends are for, unconditional love

With each new season I realise just how much I love and appreciate my front row – made up of a few family members and very good friends.

Supportive would be an understatement when it comes to my front row. They have and continue to play a huge role in my life – each one for different reasons.

We’ve shared years of good times, unpleasant times, crazy times. None of which I ever take for granted. These times are always punctuated with the right amount of rolling on the floor kind of laughter or buckets of tears that are enough to fill a river.

Through all the robust discussions, disagreements one thing is certain – the bond and love strengthens and intensifies.

I’ve evolved and continue to do so thanks to my interactions and time well spent with my front row. How else would I determine my likes, pet peeves or best approach to respond to certain situations.

I’ve had the most trying time over the last few weeks.
It was nasty.
It was unpleasant.
It was like those I just want to scream into a pillow and pull my hair kinda experiences.

But…

I am still standing and much stronger must just add due to God’s grace and the unconditional love from my front row.

As I begin to close that book and start on a fresh, clean, crisp page I look forward to creating and sharing many more memories with my front row; the kind that will last a lifetime. The kind that will find us bursting out into fits of laughter as we look back.

Today, ask yourself: who is in my front row? As you reflect I hope you will realise just how much they mean to you.

Thank you for taking the time to read and enjoy one of my favourite classics below.

Stay fabulous and favoured x

With this ring…

09 Monday Feb 2015

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cake, commitment, fabulous, family, favour, first dance, Friends, grand entrance, heart, hopeless romantic, love, marriage, memories, questions, respect, tears, vows, wax lyrical

You know, every single time I hear about a couple that has chosen to walk away from their marriage, my heart breaks a little.

I’m old school like that.
I am also a hopeless romantic who believes in the sanctity of marriage.

Earlier today, I received some grim news. Dear friends of mine announced their decision to pull the plug on their union. I listened without uttering one word then hung up and I cried like I lost my best friend.

I mean, these two were meant to live happily ever after. These two were that couple that I could see growing old together, sitting on rocking chairs and waxing lyrical about the days gone by…

So many questions…
So many tears…
So many fond memories…

I remember like it was just yesterday that I witnessed these two saying “I do”.

My heart leapt with delight as I watched this couple declare their love and commitment.

They were the picture of thoughtfulness and treated each other with tender love and respect; we often joked that the Heavens opened and smiled each time these two appeared. This was a union made in the stars. Or, so we thought.

I mean, if ever one wanted to witness a beautiful display of commitment and love, that wedding day was punctuated with the most memorable moments ever. From the bride making a grand entrance in her Cinderella style dress, to the exchange of vows, the first dance and then of course the joint task of cutting the wedding cake.

So many questions…
So many tears…
So many fond memories…

But, like they often say, life happens…

Thank you for taking the time to read. And, if you are married or planning to be, may your vows stand the test of time and hold on to Matthew 19:6.

Stay fabulous and favoured x
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It is what it is…

15 Monday Dec 2014

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deadlines, encourage, family, Friends, God, grace, introspection, kids, laughter, love, perspective, relationships, share, society, tears, time, work

With days to go before I get to see my immediate and extended family, I’m more excited than usual. This year it’s going to be different.

I’m waiting for them to throw their caustic comments under the guise of concern. I usually laugh it off or walk away. Not this year. This year they are going to get an earful;  whether it’s my aunts, cousins or long time family friends.

You see, at this time of the year the same script plays out. It’s so predictable that I know which are reserved for after dessert and which will come flying after someone has had too many glasses of G&T.

The comments are all the same and go along these lines:

Aunt 1: “Gaynor, have you met anyone yet? You are not getting any younger you know!”

Cousin1: “And so… is there anything you’d like to share?”

Family friend: “Gaynor, don’t you think you are being selfish… why would you deprive your mother of grandkids?”

This year there will be no flustered face. This year I will look them square in the face and respond; something I should have done a long time ago.

Rewind…

After matric (many, many moons ago) it looked like I was well on course with my plan. Take note, my plan. All the boxes were being ticked off one by one. Things really couldn’t get any better. Or, so I thought.

Working 18hour days, chasing the next big story, deadline or flying off somewhere was all part of an adrenaline rush I couldn’t live without. With each passing day the passion for my work intensified and nothing else mattered.

I had it all…. a wonderful job, loving and supportive family and friends. It was all I needed. My attempt at relationships fluctuated between total bliss and the possibility of a happy ever after but that was all until the grueling work schedule got in the way.

With hindsight, it was naïve of me to think that any man would want to take second place after a career. At the time I couldn’t see the missing link – work-life balance. So, one broken off engagement later and a serious bout of introspection, I’ve pondered: “Was it all worth it?”

***drum-roll***

Yes; because when all is said and done it’s really a matter of perspective.

So, what if I’ve missed all the “normal deadlines” that society imposes on us women? My appointed time to take the proverbial plunge and tie the knot and start a family is just a tad “delayed”. And I for one am not complaining.

My life’s journey and the lessons bagged along the way are incomparable. I’ve had my fair share of laughs, tears, heartache and a lot of other insane wobblies that made me feel like my heart would stop but you know what, I’m still standing (thanks to His grace) and all the more stronger if you ask me.

Every encounter, every interaction has been chalked down to experience and part of my character building. At times it felt like I was being panel-beated into shape but that’s the way my story was written and I’ve made a mental note to embrace it.

There were days I wished this journey was set on cruise control. It wasn’t. That’s not life. We stumble. We fall. We hibernate. We rise. We get up hopeful that the sun will rise and new possibilities lay ahead because God is the Pilot of our lives.

Let me encourage someone… if you’ve been one of those people caught up in what, when, where and how the world says you must live then I got news for you. You are uniquely designed and have your own spec so don’t allow society to dictate the pace at which your story unfolds. More importantly, drop all the different masks and just be your authentic self. The people that matter will accept you and love you for you. Even if, like me, you have a bout of OCD and can’t stop yourself from tidying tables in a restaurant 🙂

Live. Love. Laugh. But most of all never cease to be grateful for the path you walk.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Stay fabulous and favoured x

The magnitude of gratitude…

28 Friday Nov 2014

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choice, fabulous, favoured, gratitude, journal, journey, laughter, magnitude, story, surrender, tears

Earlier today I decided to “spring clean” my personal folders.
Oh. My. Hat.
What an education.

I was reading through my Gratitude Journal from 2008.
All I can say is TGBTG!

Looking back at that time feels surreal.
It felt like I was reading someone else’s notes.
I paused and smiled at the entries that spoke about love, family, friends and milestones.
I sighed heavily, and actually shook my head in complete disbelief, when I spotted the curveball entries.

I am thankful for every single experience.
The laughter and the tears.
The absolute bliss and the gut wrenching heartache.
The rash choices.
The times of surrender and the times of complete disobedience.

If I had the chance to rewind and do things all over again, I wouldn’t change a single thing.

This is my story.
This is my journey.
This is my testimony.
And I own it.

Let me continue to sift through the years of writing. Who knows what I will find?!

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Stay favoured and fabulous!

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