Learnt from Lockdown 2

09 Sunday Aug 2020

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You will remember in my previous post, I mentioned that my mother was visiting so I wasn’t alone for the first part of our lockdown. Although I was working from home, literally around the clock, just knowing that she was here offered a degree of safety and security. Just the way a mother’s love can.

But, after a month she wanted to return to her home and my delaying tactics were not the strongest. I eventually took her back and then we were hit for a six. She had the most horrific health scare and ended up in the hospital; for the sake of her privacy, I will not go into detail suffice to say it was touch and go.

It was a time that my siblings and I can laugh about now because of how we all deal with stress and trauma, but at that time it was far from a comedy scene.

Fast forward to me returning to my place.

I was happy to be in my space and surrounded by all my comforts. But for the first time in a long time, I realised that I now longer wanted to live alone. I wrestled with God about this every other day. But then one day in my quiet time I realised that no amount of temper tantrums or irrational reasoning was going to force God’s hand in my life.

We know that His time and His plans are perfect. Like we read in Ecclesiastes, there’s a time for everything under the sun; and I’m not immune to these seasons. Yes, there’s free will but for as long as there’s grace to walk in complete obedience, that’s my choice.

I concede that while I completely understand all of this, I still have the odd moment when I ask “But why God?” And it wasn’t until very recently that I realised that instead of despising this current season of my life, I need to appreciate and make the most of it.

And it was only after this acceptance that I found the solitude and time in prayer, praise and worship priceless.

I could easily list reasons of how this pandemic has ripped the rug from beneath our feet, but, there’s one thing it has done that no money could buy. It drew us back to and closer to God. It put the daily grind on pause for us to recalibrate and decide on the kind of relationship we want to have with our Father. The kind that sees us speaking and listening to Him as freely and easily as we breathe; or one where we speak to Him when we are in trouble or “need” something.

And so, as we continue to take it one day at a time, allow me to encourage you to look for that rainbow. Draw from the wells of His word that offers boundless hope. And be present (taking social distancing into account) in the lives of those near and dear to you… even if it’s through voice notes and face time calls.

Keep the faith.

Keep safe.

Learnt from Lockdown

08 Saturday Aug 2020

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When the rumblings of the COVID-19 pandemic started making its way into our lives via various media channels, it was hard to ignore. Then the heart-breaking and often horrendous stories linked to it were a lot to digest on any given day.

And still, I went about life fluctuating between a degree of calm and peace and sudden anxiety – always weaving their way into what was until then a relatively measured life. It was not until President Cyril Ramaphosa (South Africa) declared a three week lockdown period that I was suddenly gripped by fear and rolled into survival mode instinctively.

For someone who loves mapping things out, setting and meeting deadlines and steering the charted course, the start of the lockdown was difficult. I remember rushing into the supermarket before the lockdown kicked in and although I had a list of essentials to buy, when confronted with all those aisles of groceries and toiletries i went into a flat spin.

The neatly typed out list was deleted and I found myself throwing things into the trolley that I would not ordinarily buy because I was hit with the “what if…” thought. What if the lockdown is extended? What if supermarkets don’t open for the longest time? What if I run out of x, y, z?

Looking back now, I can’t believe I was “that” shopper. *Hides*

The other thing, as someone who enjoys her own space, it was the first time I was super thankful for having company in the form of my mother.

The reason she was visiting is because four days before the lockdown my brother and his wife welcomed the most precious baby boy into the world. Connor Luke Kast made his grand appearance at a time where things like chaos, confusion, fears, anxiety and depression were slowly but wilfully starting to wrap itself around our nation.

We had a Heaven sent antidote.

They say that a baby is a blessing and while I believe it, it wasn’t until Connor came into our lives that I fully grasped the real meaning of that comment. I desperately want to paint a picture of how I felt when my eyes spotted him for the first time, but, words will not adequately describe the pure joy. I never thought I could love another human the way I love my nephew. My heart literally feels like it’s exploding at the thought of him.

He is perfect. He is ours to love and nurture. He is without doubt our biggest blessing.

We got to see Connor in person very briefly but those moments are deeply imprinted in my heart.

We depend on pictures, videos and face time calls to bond with him. Not ideal but what can we do?! Bias aside, on the days when I feel like I’m going to drown with heaviness and despair (oh yes, I too have my down days) the thought of Connor gives me an instant boost of hope. A hope and a promise that just like the sun rises and sets each day, so too will this pandemic end.

When it will end we don’t know. But, what I do know is that we can and must keep hope alive… for ourselves and for Connor’s generation and those after.

Remain hopeful.

Remain thankful.

Choose your circle carefully!

28 Saturday Dec 2019

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I hope YOU choose to enter the new year, new decade with endless faith, oodles of optimism and most importantly, the right inner circle.

If this last year has taught me anything, boundaries are more critical than you know. Choosing to have boundaries simply means that YOU choose to be surrounded by people who share your outlook, share a similar approach and refuse to compromise core fundamentals – like the truth, honesty, integrity, compassion, kindness and love.

As we chart through various stages of life, we meet so many people along the way. Some of them come into our lives for a reason, season (painful and expensive lessons in some instances) and lifetime.

The key is to discern an individual’s role in your journey; and embrace and accept the role he/she is meant to fulfil for the said period. The fact is that holding on when a reason or season is over brings with it unnecessary frustration, hurt and pain so let go when you ought to.

All relationships should evolve (and dissolve) organically. Period. #youllcatchthatinaminute

With 2019 about to come to an end, let us make a conscious choice to refrain from taking the same “mistakes” into a new decade. There’s still time to do a thorough “spring clean”.

Your choices and decisions should be based on what’s best for YOU.

For your journey.

For your peace of mind.

With a new year. With a new decade. We get to make better choices. We get to put ourselves first. We get to stop pretending. We get to stop keeping up appearances. We get to be the voice that keeps it REAL 24/7.

My wish for you: may YOU never sacrifice your peace of mind and mental health to please anyone. Be true to YOU and always choose to have the courage of your convictions, even if you are standing alone. And never ever allow any person to disrespect you… cut your losses and walk away.

The right people will appreciate and love you unconditionally.

Blessings, love and perfect peace to you, always in 2020!

Spreading Christmas Love…

24 Tuesday Dec 2019

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Christmas is a season of renewed hope, joy, peace and unconditional love and these are the very seeds that the ladies from Yataghan Foundation, sowed recently. The team took to the streets of Durban to spread some festive cheer with less fortunate children and their parents.

Leader of Yataghan Foundation, Karen Wallace, said: “It’s our privilege and an honour to be able to reach out to those in need. Sharing a meal and a special treat with children who are ordinarily ‘forgotten’ at this time of the year is priceless. The hugs, the big smiles and the general excitement on their little faces is heart-warming.”

She added: “The stories the world over is full of doom and gloom; and while it’s easy to be caught up in that negativity, there is hope. For as long as we have the grace to go out and be a beacon of hope and love, our team will continue to serve the people of Durban and wherever there’s a need.”

Wallace and her team take to the streets of Durban almost every weekend to share a meal and an encouraging word with those who have no shelter. Their mandate is very clear – pay it forward, one meal and one moment at a time with unconditional love.

As you celebrate with your family and friends this Christmas, pause for a moment and consider reaching out to those in need. After all, this is a time for caring, sharing and giving… unconditionally!

All it takes is one choice…

20 Wednesday Nov 2019

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There’s nothing more beautiful than witnessing a random act of kindness. Nothing makes my heart smile more than seeing an exchange of a good deed between complete strangers, or even people who know each other.

This is a little reminder that it’s really the simple things in life that matter and mean the most. Being kind doesn’t necessarily have to cost you a dime. It’s simply one heart opening up in love (and without condition or expectation) and looking to extend the endless string of kindness.

Yes, life is cluttered with all sorts of challenges, and issues that are at the best of times beyond our control… but that should not detract from our core function of being kind and loving toward each other.

Kindness doesn’t always have to come wrapped up in a ribbon or pretty packaged box. It’s the little things:

• A smile

• A hug Sharing a meal

• Dropping off a meal at a shelter

• A shoulder to lean on

• Making time to listen to someone in distress

• Paying for someone’s parking ticket without them knowing

• Paying for someone’s meal without them knowing

• Stopping in the middle of your day to ask a colleague, friend how he/she is doing – and really listening to that unspoken cry for help

• Dropping off a meal, a little treat or sitting and listening to those less fortunate

• Playing with kids at an orphanage

• Reading to the pensioners in an old age home

• Running an errand for a pensioner

• Dropping off flowers or chocolates to random patients in hospital

• Signing up to assist a charity during a fundraising drive

• Writing little notes of encouragement for random people and your tribe and dropping them off (without them knowing)

• Sending a voice note to let someone know that you are thinking of and thinking/praying for them The list can go on and on because the need for sowing seeds of kindness never ends.

I don’t believe for one minute that we are so “busy” or caught up in our own lives that we can’t see the dire need for spreading kindness now more than ever. Some people are in pain (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) and one seed of kindness can make all the difference in the world.

Let us never grow weary of reaching out and caring… it’s the right (humane) thing to do.

Thank you for taking the time to read this… now get going… start sprinkling those seeds of kindness wherever the road leads you…

We need each other…

19 Tuesday Nov 2019

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Since last week I’ve been house bound. Not out of choice, I must point out. I traipsed off to the office on Monday morning choosing to ignore the fact that I felt a little under the weather and was minus a voice. Oh the horror of not being able to speak; and some of my colleagues were finding this a delightful site to behold.

Long story short, one look at me and our medical team were mortified at the fact that I drove to the office instead of “calling” (read: text or mail) in sick. I tried to offer some sort of defense about it being a Monday blah-blah-blah but they were not interested. Instead, they armed me with the relevant meds, read me the riot (read: wellness act) and sent me on my way.

Chicken soup. Check.

Water. Check.

Fruit. Check.

Chocolate. Check.

Meds. Check.

I was ready for a week of “solitary confinement” and as someone who hardly ever gets sick, I figured this flu/laryngitis wouldn’t last more than three days. Boy, oh boy, was I wrong.

My body felt like it was being panel-beated and I just couldn’t break a stubborn fever. At that point my life seemed like it was a scene from Bridget Jones’s Diary. I couldn’t call anyone (the joys of being a migrant worker). I contemplated texting my neighbour to drive me to the ER but decided against this for two reasons: apart from an initial introduction and one other time I texted to apologise for triggering the alarm, we hadn’t really spoken. So imagine now asking him to be my personal uber? Even my feverish self knew this was a bad idea….

At the first glimpse of daylight, I drove to my GP and she confirmed it was no longer the flu but bronchitis. The good news was that the fever broke, I was given a much stronger antibiotic and my voice had returned but she warned me to “take it easy” because I wasn’t out of the woods just yet.

What’s the point of this post?

The aha-moment was this: words whether spoken, written or unsaid are equally important and define (positively/negatively) our lives more than we realise. More than that, we are emotional and social beings who need each other.

With a new year, a new decade mere days away, may we always choose to open our hearts and mouths… and always choose to express ourselves. That way we will have no regrets, no unanswered questions, lingering thoughts or feel like we can’t reach out for help when we need it most. After all, life is about stepping beyond the confines of our comfort zones and having the courage to speak up and reach out…

I think I’ve said this in a previous post, the reality is that no person is an island… we all need each other in one way or another; rain or shine.

Take care and stay fabulous….

I do, I do….

14 Sunday Jul 2019

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Earlier this year, I witnessed two people exchange vows before God and family in an intimate ceremony. It was the most beautiful, lump-in-throat wedding I’ve ever attended, and mainly because it was my baby brother Jarryd.

Gosh, it was just the other day that he was a toddler and now, thanks to God’s grace he is all grown and has matured into a responsible, young man. Witnessing him and Taslyn (or should I say Mrs Kast, as she loves telling us) exchange vows before God reminded me that while this might be 2019, and people prefer to “shack it up”, the sanctity of marriage still remains relevant and ever so important.

Forget the actual event for a second because that is not the focal point. It’s the firm foundation (read: God) and ultimate reason for this union that many appear to be overlooking these days.

Marriage is and should always be securely cemented on one thing and one thing alone – the Sovereign God whose unending love and teachings stand the test of time. Yes, love, commitment, devotion, honesty, trust and all those other things are important… after God has confirmed and established that two people should enter into the covenant of marriage.

The sanctity of marriage remains relevant…

It wasn’t long after we celebrated Jarryd and Taslyn’s *big* day, that I received news from two friends who will also be walking down the aisle later this year. The two are super thrilled and can’t wait to pronounce their love before God, family and friends. But, like my one friend pointed out that more than anything, they see their weddings as a reminder of God’s faithfulness in their respective lives. And that what He has predestined… joined together, nothing and no one can derail. (These two friends have the most amazing testimony and is a post for another day).

I’d like to encourage someone out there today, don’t be moved by your situation and hold onto the promise that God’s perfect plan always manifests at the appointed time. Any preconceived ideas or plans we might have about our lives means zero if it’s outside of the will of God.

For anyone who is married, feels challenged and as though you can’t go on then get on your knees and pray. Strong unions and solid families overflowing with love, kindness, compassion and all round goodness is what this world needs.

So fight. Fight through prayer (and fasting if need be) for your spouse and your family. There’s never been a more relevant time for us to pray for the preservation of the sanctity of marriage and restoration of families like right now… all for God’s glory.

Stay fabulous and favoured xxx

Rebound and recover…

30 Saturday Mar 2019

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I’m writing this post from the place I visited exactly two years ago. The view remains spectacular with a few extra “nice to see” things and my life has done a complete 360 in every possible way.

For those who read this blog, you would recall the plan was to take a one year sabbatical and then allow life to unfold. Well, the one year sabbatical did happen, just not the way I had envisaged. And the year that followed was anything but a stroll in the park.

As I reflect on the last two years, I don’t believe I can adequately describe the intensity of the challenges that knocked on my door. But, what I do know with every fibre of confidence is that God remains faithful.

When I tell you that I had no idea life could two feet you (it’s a Sydenham saying) and bring you to your knees… it can. It’s not pretty and it’s certainly painful at the “best” of times. I was tried and tested from every possible position but had the grace to press on because I knew that God remains faithful.

I am also extremely blessed to have a solid group of faith-filled women and men to support me unconditionally. They know who they are and to respect their privacy I will not mention their names. But, there is one woman who I believe is a complete angel on earth and who took me under her wing and wiped my tears and prayed me through the most dire times – Aunty Karen Wallace. She is more than amazing. She certainly epitomises God’s love and compassion. And has without doubt secured a special place in my heart.

I’m all about being fearlessly authentic, and when I say there were times I felt like I could not go on, that every ounce of my strength was depleted and the will to live was running on empty, but between God and aunty Karen, I’m alive and energised to continue walking on purpose.

And so, if at any point you find yourself at a place where you feel hopeless.

A place where you feel completely lost.

A place you where feel like a drifting yacht on a rough sea.

A place where you feel like nothing makes sense anymore.

A place where you feel like your heart has been ripped apart.

A place where you feel like you don’t want to open your eyes to face another day.

Know this… God has a plan. God is in complete control. God has your back. He created YOU with a specific purpose and all He expects is unwavering faith and complete obedience (no matter what the circumstances). He does not need you and I to help Him unfold the plan He designed perfectly and with the right time-frames. Just place your hope and trust in Him.

There were many lessons I’ve jotted down over the last 24months, one of the more crucial ones was to pay attention to the people who are willing to stand in the ring and take the punches with you; those real people (not the fair-weather types) who hold your head up and keep you standing and smiling.

Most importantly, don’t fight the separation process. We know that some people are only meant to be in our lives for a reason, season and lifetime. Holding onto someone whose expiration date has come and gone will cause more chaos and distraction. Again, just trust God’s lead.

And finally, it’s perfectly fine to release (forgive) and love some people (family included) from a distance. Anything or anyone that threatens or obstructs your peace and Divine purpose has no place in your life.

If you are reading this post and find yourself in need of encouragement, allow me to suggest that you pour your heart out to God… be still enough to listen to His voice (yes, He still speaks) and hold onto your faith like never before.

And once you’ve allowed yourself to heal, stand up boldly and go out there and rise and thrive… because God can and will always be the anchor, compass and all-round Navigator you need at any given moment.

Love. Love. And more love coupled with equal portions of boundless faith, grace and mercy be yours this day and always!

Bounce back…

02 Wednesday Jan 2019

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The one thing I thoroughly enjoy is me-time. Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out every now and then, but, those who know me, know that I’d rather choose a book or movie with a stash of chocolate on any given day.

Yesterday was different – granted it was New Year’s Day, but I also needed to prove a point 

My very dear friends, invited me to spend time with their families. It was a perfect day. The weather was just the right amount of sunshine and blue sky. The conversational topics were varied and flowed effortlessly. The food was so good and as a result “operation clean eating” (topic for another day) was moved out by a few more days.

And of course, the highlight was observing the boundless energy of the kids who after being sun-kissed for hours were far from tired almost 10 hours later. I swear those kids could easily be a brand ambassador for an energy drink.

So, there was one thing that caught my attention for most of the day – a beach ball. Yes, a simple, blue and white beach ball. It wasn’t the writing/branding on it, but the versatility and resilience that it possessed.

I watched with keen interest how this ball bounced all over – in the pool, on the lawn, up in the air, landing in the palm of someone’s hand… and even with the knocks, falls and floating, it remained intact. I’m sure you get the picture.

When I got home last night, I continued to think about this ball and how similar it is to our lives.
Our journey finds us moving to different places.
Our journey finds us crashing/falling and then having to stand up.
Our journey finds us in situations where we feel out of our depth.
Our journey finds us feeling like we are walking on air (overly ecstatic when breakthroughs arise).
Our journey finds us securely in the palm of the Master’s hand.
Our journey finds us bouncing back from time and time again when our hope and trust and faith are in the One who created us.

But… more than anything, like the ball, we cannot really understand the intricacies of what makes it bounce back, except for the person who created it.

The same goes for our lives (personal stories).

Until you’ve walked an inch of a mile in someone’s shoes, you don’t know their story. You don’t know the price that was paid. You don’t know the sacrifices made, losses incurred and lessons learned. So until you take the time to speak to someone and listen to their story, we should refrain from pointing fingers, making assertions or being a typical judge Judy.

Instead let’s commit to walking in love; always ready to catch someone who is about to fall.

And just like that ball, I hope we always find ourselves inflated with His grace and love to keep moving in purpose. That no matter where we land, we bounce back and land steady on our feet… always ready to take another step!

When I look back…

28 Friday Dec 2018

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… I sigh a breath of relief because it’s only through God’s grace that I remain standing; and able to share this post.

If ever there was a year that showed me flames, it was 2018. I shall spare you the detail but if you remember anything from this post, know that whatever and whoever is sent to put a spoke in the wheels of your destiny, it will not succeed. I say this confidently because boy, oh, boy… did they come fast and furiously. And each attempt was thwarted and came to naught, thanks to the Hand of God over my life.

I cried a lot this year.
It was a combination of tears of joy and tears of sorrow; some I personally experienced and others I witnessed.

There were tears for the disappointment in the way some prospective projects folded.
There were tears for the disappointment in the way some people (including family) behaved.
There were tears for the disappointment in the way some people chose to defeat the ends of justice to save face instead of taking responsibility for their untoward choices/decisions.
There were tears for the disappointment in the way some associations dissolved before they even took off.
There were tears for the disappointment in the way some people used people as pawns in their game of life.
There were tears for the disappointment in the way some people choose to continue along the path of a dysfunctional façade knowing full well that these actions have a domino effect.

Some of the hardest tears were for the ties that I chose to sever in the name of self-preservation and peace of mind. Like my mentor pointed out, ‘Jesus did not resurrect Judas and neither should you’. And also, forgiveness does not equate to re-association.

So in all the tears, pain and disappointment, I’m most grateful for the fact that it brought me to my knees and made me draw closer to God. There was many a night I was face flat on the floor either crying out in prayer or having these heated debates with God trying to figure out the why. Until, one morning, He whispered “be still and trust Me”.

And when that penny dropped, the journey became more enjoyable and the revelations came about sooner and more clearly.

With the start of the New Year just days away, I continue to look ahead with great expectation, an open heart and confident that He that started a good work will make sure it manifests as and when it should.

As you embrace 2019:

May you honour yourself (and your space) and enforce the relevant boundaries.
Let your no be no and your yes, be yes.
May you walk in purpose and never compromise the work you are called to do, all for His glory.
May you never settle for anything less than you deserve.

More importantly, may your heart be filled with perfect peace, undiluted joy and gratitude for all things (big and small).

Love. Love. And more love to you and yours for 2019 and beyond…